Let's Walk the Walk!

So this is officially the first post I am making a draft of first before actually straight writing it on the blog and posting it without a second thought, without a re-read, coz I am not even sure of this little thing that I am writing right here! And yes its my birthday in a few hours and I turn 23. I am here on exchange relaxing, literally doing nothing for a whole thee and a half months and yet on track for a perfect gpa for the semester. I have a pretty good job offer lined up for when I complete my MBA and a nice 3 months break before I start that and everything is almost as good as it gets. YET, this is the time when I pretty often, more often than ever before anyways, have thoughts of “What am I even doing?” To me that’s pretty messed up and I think it should be that way too.

Its nothing that bothers me, nothing big, just a lot of little things which I don’t even know how to explain or name, but they do exist and they have existed for a while maybe but I just choose to take the easier way. All throughout my life I was lucky to get things the easier way, put in little effort and get great results, just maybe coz I was gifted with certain things, like everyone is and they make use of it and make the best of it that they can. But, the best things that I have always enjoyed the most have been the ones I really worked hard for. They aren’t too many really because like I said working hard and putting in a lot of effort hasn’t been my cup of tea and which is why I feel I have got a lot of what I have coz of things I just had in me and never put in an effort for. This doesn’t even make sense, but what if I did put in effort, sincerely, consciously and then saw where things go. 

I have said this to myself often, but never really done it apart form maybe in short periods of time where there was a spell where I did put in effort and work for things and they sure did reap benefits and give results. I dream big, always have, to the extent of being thought of in the negative sense of being unrealistic. I have always believed in my abilities to the extent of being thought of as cocky or conceited, as you may put it. Yet, I am proud of both the above things coz I don’t think I have ever dreamt of things that are impossible, nor have I ever been conceited in a way that has been condescending or anyway wrong to me. But what I am not proud of the fact that I do not always give in as much effort as I can, maybe what I do put in is enough, but not what I am capable of. Its not always about doing things that are enough, is it?

 How will I ever tell myself that I achieved what I was capable of, or what I did was the best I could if I never even push myself to the limit? And it does not have to be success, career, or anything in particular, it has to be every little thing that matters, that I think or know inside of me that deserves more of my effort or that I know I can give more to. I think this isn’t a bad time, if ever there is one, to do what needs to be done. In fact I think it’s a pretty darn good time to put my hand  up, own up to it and start doing something about it. And all this just for myself, because nobody I think has anything to prove to anyone but themselves. 

That brings me to another point which totally annoys me so often which is that WHY do we spend 99% of the time of our lives doing things in one way or another to manage/create an impression on others. Nobody but you is who you answer to, atleast that’s the way I like it and that’s the way it should be. But lets not get into that too much for now because that is a topic for a whole different discussion.

Now the question why would I ever want to go put such a post on a total public forum, well although most of the things I put on here are someway related to me. But, its because I have made promises to myself before, and I am the only person that I make a promise to and break it. So, well maybe if I announce it publicly enough, whether anybody even reads this or not, I know somewhere that I said a bunch of big huge things in front of a possible large audience and if I still don’t follow it, then God help me. So well with this I think enough said, and now its time to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. J

The Screaming Silence

The hollow completeness.

The shameful pride.

The happiness in sorrow.

The walking  in stillness.

The loneliness in a crowd.

The caged freedom.

The hatred for love.

The joy in the pain.

The tears behind the smile.

The companion in loneliness.

The betraying loyalty.

The normalcy in disorder.

The nervous confidence.

This dead life.

The Pursuit of Crappiness

I think what I am writing today is to do with the fact that the ongoing end-term exams have just taken my attention back to these thoughts that I have always had. What do these educational institutions teach us? To excel at what we do and be the best at it by learning something new everyday and face new challenges? I believe that that is what they are supposed to teach us but do they get even close? Let me tell you what I think they teach: how to try and somehow get good grades so that you can get a good job where you can again try and get good results so that you may become a success story. But where are we learning the art of doing things? Where are we gaining anything or getting any kind of knowledge? The system is flawed. It can find ways of screwing you each time, to ensure no matter what you do, you won't feel like you KNOW something and when you end up in that examination hall, you will end up trying to get some sort of a peek into the other's answer-sheet, unless of course you have really strong principles to stop you from doing so, which I might add is a rarity. But the question is Why? Its because there is an incentive to cheat. If you do not, you will end up scoring less resulting into a lower grade and hence the whole cycle. Where in the whole process was the learning? Well you might very well argue there are those who still go for the learning and can always extract it from the system, but the truth remains that the system is not designed to do what it should be doing. If it were, it would encourage innovations, learning, incentivise not the quest for grades but the quest for knowledge. What it does instead is give you a few years of a somewhat forced education process which comes with a little learning and a lot of frustration. Like they say the corporate world is full of competitiveness and stress, so the only good thing the system seems to be doing is getting you used to the frustration and the stress probably and in turn making the adaptation process a little more easier. Apart from that the contribution to what it is ideally supposed to do: Zilch.
Why can't there be a change in the system such that there is no incentive to cheat or step over the other somehow and be better than him instead of being better than your own benchmarks each time? Is the system not capable of devising means of instilling principles and values and the hunger for learning in people rather than the hunger for grades and success? Weren't we all mighty impressed by the dialogue in 3 Idiots that said " don't chase success, chase excellence, success shall follow". But is it enough to just be impressed by it or actually try and see what it feels like to actually do what it says? Well, there is a lot more to say and write, but for now I think I will get back to going through the motions of another exam, yet another futile process of what i call "the pursuit of crappiness".

Truth or fiction?

I have never been a story-teller. Nor do I think i ll be any good at it. But this time i wanna tell a story, or maybe say something in the form of a story because sometimes some things are so bitter, you need to sugarcoat them to be able to swallow. It might still be too obvious but then i dont like too much sugar. so here is a mix of some fact some fiction  :)
Well there was this guy, who loved a gorgeous princess and everything seemed so great. There was this maze he wanted to get into, the golden maze which you had to enter by beating thousands of others and you spent a couple of years in there and you came out richer. You had fortunes of money when you came out of that maze but noone knew what happened to a person during those years in the maze. But because the fruit was so sweet nobody complained for the thorns that were in the way. And so he did it. He beat those thousands to get an entry into that maze and was ecstatic. He had to bid goodbye to the princess for atleast a couple of years but then he had the incentive of coming out richer and worthier of the princess, after all would the king be willing to let just another guy marry his beloved angel? The maze seemed all fascinating and amazing as he entered it. He met others like him who had showed some spark to be able to crack the code of the maze and get into it. He hoped that the maze will do something to him that will make him so much better in those couple of years and he so looked forward to it. He made friends in those like minded ( or maybe not so) people and thought he was at the right place and saw so many dreams that he couldn't even keep count. Slowly the dreams still remained dreams and the 'friends' started to seem like not-so-friendly anymore. He couldn't tell though. They would be the most amazing people when around him but when he moved ahead he felt something or someone pulling him down. He didn't know what or who but he knew there was something. But he knew he would carry on and see the other end of the maze for  the riches were huge and his love was at stake..that beautiful angel he would do anything for. So he carried on..endured the burden of the most complex maze and the extra effort he had to put to overcome the mysterious pull that always sucked him into darkness. He knew it was those around him and each circumstance that was making the path tougher and lonelier but he also knew he was strong enough to make it to the end...even if he had to do it alone for the love of the princess was strong enough to overcome as tough an obstacle as didn't exist. And so the journey continued with the darkness growing deeper and scarier each moment , yet the light in him burning bright as ever...............................................................

Lol yeah this one is not supposed to be completed... just not yet...